How to say NO without being a jerk

Saying NO to things, saying NO in your work. Saying NO to friends. Even more challenging is saying NO to family. Ever tried the same logic from your work at home? I did, not very successful.

A few years further in my career I started a job in Sales. As a people pleaser and a person who had difficulties in saying NO this was a challenging journey, to say the least.

You will not become very far in sales I you do not like conflict and if you like it to be liked. I had serious issues with the worry, anxiety, fear and guilt associated with saying NO.

The judgement of my boss, the judgement of my co-workers were very important to me.

I loved to score high on the likability scale. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to be seen as nice. I found myself never speaking up, always going along with whatever they said and did, like an eager puppy on their heels.

We are all people pleasers to some extent. And that’s okay. Wanting to be approved of and loved is a core basic need, like housing and food.

But every time I was looking for somebody else approval, a little piece of me passed away. Left me.

I simply failed to please the most important person, which was me.

So I changed. I started to say NO. No to myself, No to things. No to my boss. No to my co-workers and NO to my loved ones.

In that order..

I came up with an ‘ I am not sorry’ technique. I found a way to say NO to others without being a jerk and without feeling sorry, without feeling guilty, without feeling the need to be liked.

And it worked. Up till today.

Getting better and better at it. Still not the best at it. Work in progress.

At the BASTA Academy I will share with you my  ‘I am not sorry’ technique and we will work on your top 3 most difficult cases to say NO .

See you there.

 

BASTA,

Fons

 

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